I'm sweet and you know it! Don't hate me, be me, that's all I gotsta say about them things, fo real. Ok enough with that. Things are going good and going bad, it's always bittersweet here in the real world. Job search is coming along... slowly, but the prospects are, nice. Just worried about the Officer Courses I have to go to after college, I have no firm dates and am pretty SOL when it comes to it because the reserves are all messed up. So after a little discussion with a long time major in the guard, I may be switching on over. Benefits... less deployable, more flexibility, signing bonus... Negatives... could be all a-ed up, no strategic int... What it comes down to is, do I want to make my Army time interesting or have things where I can plan? That's my major concern this week.
Well there is one other concern, Friday I have to talk to a lot of high school seniors who are on the wall about coming to OU about what OU means to me and why I came. The truth, this was the only ROTC program to offer me full room, board and tuition, so I turned down OSU, Dayton, Xavier/Miami... only to find out that the board scholarship was taken away. I would later call in during the summer to find out what happened b/c I was never given an answer by ROTC and I found out myself that it was given to the Urban Scholars program. Of this program 50% would drop out the first year. It isn't water under the bridge b/c it still effects me today as I have to borrow money to go to college instead of making money as I was promised. Maybe I'll talk about the benefits of OU. It's a beautiful campus, it offers many types of courses, the Nationally Competitive Awards people are very helpful, there are many types of places to eat, the scenery landscape and weather of Athens is nice (better than Cleveland)... that's really about it for me, I think most colleges offer the same of everything else or are better in the other areas, sad but true. (of course I haven't attended other colleges, I just assume these other things)
On a totally different note, I've been feeling weird and needing to sleep a lot lately. I wish I knew what was up, but no idea. I ran a 5K in 18:59 after a long night of drinking till 4 AM so what ever is wrong with me it isn't physical, go figure!? I think it has to do with all the BS from ROTC and school... Fanis tattling on me saying I was "threatening" when clearly I wasn't and she's just upset b/c no one in the class did well in the class and I stated the facts to her about the teaching and testing methods of the class and then Haus getting mad at me for going to talk to my teacher about a bad grade and not trusting that I didn't threaten her and then dealing with the BS slide show where the second time Monty yet again fucked up and I put enough work into it that it did upset me. But the old man gave us no slack and contradicted himself at least 3 times in a 5 min bitch session, as usual. I just really have become disenchanted with the Army b/c of ROTC and am almost thinking about letting the system lose me so when I graduate I no longer exist in the Army. I've put enough effort into this all to not have this bs happen and furthermore to get more help than I am, I'm at the "fuck it, I got mine" stage and I just don't feel like I should do that. My life has always been to stand up for the hard thing and take on the contradictions. It's getting old and it pisses people off, even though I'm not even doing it for myself, I'm always trying to think of other people. But I'm slowly coming to realize that people just don't want help and that the "fuck it, I got mine" is the typical attitude and that if you try to break that people get upset or uncomfortable.
Wow I really do go on rants and pontificate too much. I'm tired again, there's something wrong.
